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Jesus drives the traders from the temple, "Busy day lads?"

'I wonder what they wanted with rum this time of night?'

"I tried the old, if you're without sin throw the first stone. Well, figures Jesus was in the crowd."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"You call this a constitution?"

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"Have your people call my people."

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

The ten ammendments

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Finger puppets in church.

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

"Don't forget the screenplay."

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'

Church restrooms

Moses and the bridge.