Christian Fellowship Pillows

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"That's our new church mascot."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

'Wait a minute... What the heck is frankincense?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

Your basket: Gold. . .You may also like: Frankincense and Myrrh.

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

"Relax, the vicar's surrounded the place with mouse traps."

Baptism - "Actually he's quite looking forward to it."

'Dear, it's called a collection plate, not a tip jar.'

The Last Supper or the First Easter?

"Okay, once again. I'm your pastor, not your 'guru'."

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

'Thanks for the thought but we can't accept lottery tickets.'

Bored-again Christians.

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

Preaching to the Choir Since 1846

'Hey! That's new - paternity leave!'

The youth pastor and worship leader compete for the skinniest jeans award.

"Hey! Jesus! Shut the door, it's freezing in here. Anyone would think you were born in a barn!"

Basketball Hoop on the Suggestion Box

You are invited to Jesus The Launch Party.