Christian Fellowship Pillows

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

"That's our new church mascot."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

'Wait a minute... What the heck is frankincense?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

Your basket: Gold. . .You may also like: Frankincense and Myrrh.

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

"Relax, the vicar's surrounded the place with mouse traps."

Baptism - "Actually he's quite looking forward to it."

'Is this seat saved?' Fundamentalism Gone Awry.

'Dear, it's called a collection plate, not a tip jar.'

Promised Land Directory.

The Last Supper or the First Easter?

"Okay, once again. I'm your pastor, not your 'guru'."

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

'Thanks for the thought but we can't accept lottery tickets.'

Bored-again Christians.

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

Preaching to the Choir Since 1846

Jesus was a republican because he rode into Jerusalem on a Democrat...

'Hey! That's new - paternity leave!'

Baptism by fire, baptism by water.

You are invited to Jesus The Launch Party.

The youth pastor and worship leader compete for the skinniest jeans award.

"Hey! Jesus! Shut the door, it's freezing in here. Anyone would think you were born in a barn!"