Church Involvement Pillows

"Okay, once again. I'm your pastor, not your 'guru'."

Baptism - "Actually he's quite looking forward to it."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Priest's 'To do' list.

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Priest

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'Let us pray...'

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Monk Prompt

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."