Church Community Supporter Pillows

'Church Donations'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

See you at the farmers market!

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

"That's our new church mascot."

"What is a drag queen's goal?"

"I'll have the usual."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Alms Bank

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Thank you

Thank you to our awesome NHS staff

'Every year local authorities whinge on about needing more money to maintain services.'

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

Me and my money are soon parted

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

Crossing USA Mexico Border

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"Thank you."

Bubbling

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

"So then in comes this good-looking French vet from Vétérinaires sans Frontirères."

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'Oooh, honey, will you get me that one?!'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

Egalitarian family