Church Community Champ Pillows

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Your Guide to Winning Movember

"That's our new church mascot."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'For five years you can't get a single politician to take any notice of you...and then half a dozen turn up at once!'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

STRIP *Community Care * 'client empowerment' policy

Social Worker

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

'While they're still enthusiastic do you think we could get them to take on climate change and the war on drugs as well?'

'Are we having fun yet?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

"Thank you."

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

Schrodinger's kittens

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

No matter your skills, there's something you can volunteer to do.

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

Violence against children.

"My family clapped louder than your family!"

'Are you folks ready to take THIS ice bucket challenge?'

Dr. Mom and Dr. Pop's Little Corner Hospital

Stock Wanted

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"For Thanksgiving...I want to celebrate Christmas!"

Carolling

Preaching to the Choir Since 1846