Church Community Champ T-Shirts

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"That's our new church mascot."

Your Guide to Winning Movember

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'For five years you can't get a single politician to take any notice of you...and then half a dozen turn up at once!'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

STRIP *Community Care * 'client empowerment' policy

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

Social Worker

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

'While they're still enthusiastic do you think we could get them to take on climate change and the war on drugs as well?'

'Are we having fun yet?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

Schrodinger's kittens

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

"Thank you."

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

No matter your skills, there's something you can volunteer to do.

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

Violence against children.

Dr. Mom and Dr. Pop's Little Corner Hospital

'Are you folks ready to take THIS ice bucket challenge?'

"My family clapped louder than your family!"

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"For Thanksgiving...I want to celebrate Christmas!"

Carolling

Preaching to the Choir Since 1846

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'