Church Volunteers Pillows

"Howdy! We're from the church visitation committee. You don't have a dog, do you?"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

CCTV in church.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"We can't actually pay you, but your work will get a lot of exposure."

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Nun Binning the Devil

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

"It's a cup holder."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

Please Give

Interning in D.C. Volunteering in Seattle. Trekking in Nepal. Lucky ducks! I'm stuck here working 2 jobs! Wow! You're getting paid?!! Who knew? Employment is this summer's must-have status symbol. Some parents envy you.

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'We're a voluntary organisation John, they're not meant to pay for it.'

"I volunteer for the Samaritans. I tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it."

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

"Relax, the vicar's surrounded the place with mouse traps."

"Son of God or not, no one comes to church dressed like that."