Church Personnel Pillows

Bishops teacosy.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

CCTV in church.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Nun Binning the Devil

Midwest Winter Items.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'What do you call money that slides off the collection plate?'

"It's a cup holder."

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

Church Restoration Fund.

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

Four Chanting Monks

"He's highly qualified to be our new associate pastor but he wants all weekends and holidays off - the same days I want off."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'