Church Official Pillows

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'A tithe is defined as a tenth of your income, Mr. Talmadge -- not ten percent of whatever you happen to have in your pocket on Sunday morning!'

"Usually we wouldn't let you in the sanctuary dressed in robe and sandals, but seeing as you are Jesus we will make an exception..."

"Special Easter offering."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

Vicars in a Twist

'What do you mean, you've used up your advance?'

Conclave.

Rowan Williams

Vicar

'Ah - Mr. Figgs - you used to work for that bank - anything for the church fete?'

Pope wanted! Must be comfortable wearing dresses - no women to apply.

"Canon, I'm afraid the time has come for you to be fired!"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"That's our new church mascot."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

"Tia Carmen, if times are tough, how come you're giving money away?"

CCTV in church.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."