Church Secretary Pillows

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

'Satan wants to meet you on Main Street at high noon.'

'Do you have a few minutes to discuss your retirement years, sir?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"Line one, Pastor Bob. Last name, Sims. First name, Mary. Preferred name, Honey."

"A representative from headquarters to see you, sir."

"Line one, the youth group calling from up the creek without a paddle...line two, Mrs. Kavanaugh calling from down in the dumps...line three, Virgil Larrison calling from death's door..."

"This isn't the caring way to treat those who disagree with you, Pastor Bob."

"The actual title of my sermon, Ms. Barns, is 'Are you going to hell?'."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

Copycats

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Out and In.

Storm in the out tray

37 years in the same position.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'T.M.I.F.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

Here and There Trays

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Morning, all!"

Someone who knows apostrophes