Church Music Director Pillows

Christmas organ

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'OK, everybody...'Louie, Louie' from the top!'

Hildegard von Bingen

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

Nun Binning the Devil

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

CCTV in church.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"Maybe we should just let heaven and nature sing."

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

Angel playing music

Tenors

"It's a cup holder."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'What do you call money that slides off the collection plate?'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

Choirmaster conducting, with one hand over a choirboy's mouth.

'And if it ain't baroque, don't fix it.'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! She was great! I hear she's so sought-after by musical theater productions that she can make them work around her schedule! So in other words, "Operettas are standing by!"

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

'It helps with reception.'

"Please turn to page 38 in your hymn-or-her books." The feminist cause marches on.

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'