Chopstick Juggler T-Shirts

'All the rice you can eat... with one chopstick.'

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

Before I can stop and smell the roses, I need time to stop and plant the @#$% roses.

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

Haute Chinese

"You and your daft inventions."

Year of the Rat

Have Horns Venn

Spanx Tells Me No

"This next tune is a one-chord song about how hard it is to learn a second chord."

Choose any combination of the words above to name your brilliant first novel.

The Adventures of Morton - Harmless juggler.

'Your mother and I are worried that all these video games may be having an effect on you.'

The Multi-tasking Snake Charmer

'It's been a few hundred years, gentlemen... I think it's finally time to admit that forks are better.'

"They won't work!!!"

Mozart eating noodles with chopsticks

"What did I tell you about destroying Mommy's inner balance?"

I find that I can cut back on calories if I use only one chopstick.

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

'I love working with my hands.'

Writer, waiter, writer, waiter.

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

"Waiter, these chopsticks are not cooperating."

"Hide all the chopsticks."

'Neither Confucius nor Lao-Tse nor Buddha can help you. You either have a knack for chopsticks or you don't.'

Chinese noodles.

"The catch is you only get one chopstick"

'Yes, it takes a little while to learn to handle chopsticks!'

'I really am losing weight on the chinese diet...I use only one chopstick.'

'I'm not very hungry - just bring me some chopsticks.'

"I'm raising four kids, a husband, three pets and I work. This is nothing."

"It's from my wife. Honeydos."

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

The Battle Between Television and Books