Chopstick Champion T-Shirts

yes it takes a little while to learn to handle chopsticks

Haute Chinese

"Hide all the chopsticks."

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

'Now that's Real TV!'

Starvation Watching

"You and your daft inventions."

"That's Reubens, he's an alternate lifestyle coach."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

... And by the end of the first quarter of the game, the famous 'Man Cave' was completely deserted.

"I'm sorry madam, we're right out of Mississippi mud pie. All that's left is the Severn sludge souffle."

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

"10,000 steps...just answering doorbells."

'What a Summer of Sport, eh?'

Year of the Rat

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"I want to be so successful that it ruins my life."

'Helen! I'm all settled in and I don't want to get up. Would you get the remote for me?'

Ball and Chain

"Look, we're getting a recreation centre."

"I didn't miss my workout...I didn't miss it one bit!"

"Tia Carmen's Bucket List: pulling a 7-day telenovela bender."

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

"The Procrastination World Championships were only a month away. He never trained so hard."