Chopping Gifts

Timber!

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"You were right, I didn't want to stop."

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"Loves it, just can't get the little fellow off it"

"January 11. Still struggling with the novel. Chopped more firewood."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Attorney Punching Bag

Ask me about my uppercut.

'Look out for the park ranger while Bernie and I chop us some firewood!'

It's fun being bad with dad.

"Don't overdo it, dear."

"Barry can hack anything...including out lunch."

'You just GOTTA do things the hard way, don't ya.'

OUT of ORDER

Sign on the door at Karate School.

'There's no inflammation of the wood pole. . . but he does appear to suffer from hardening of the chain saw.'

Thanksgiving: 'What did I want to do now?'

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'

"What kind of fire, hon - oak, maple, or apple?"

A rump of butchers

Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I an accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord of firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date by mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.

'On second thought Mr. Akimoto, perhaps we can give you a loan to open a karate club.'

'Cold this morning, isn't it?'

"Millions of acres of farmland are taken out of production every year...a lot of them by me."

"I'm literally naked about to be hacked to bits and *you're* crying!?!"

"My wife has a black belt in cooking, she can kill a man with a single chop."

Suddenly, while shoving a stack of poker chips into the pot, Joe snaps an elbow ligament, and another poker athlete's career comes to a tragic end.

You know what sounds good right now? Chips.

'No, you can't have potato chips. I swear, you kids never want something good for you, like bait.'

A man with roots and barcodes for legs