Cholesterol Comedian Gifts

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Fast Food Dieter

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Eat lots of carrots."

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"