Cholesterol Comedian Gifts

My dietary approach is pretty simple

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Fast Food Dieter

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"One slice—hold the bread."

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

"Eat lots of carrots."

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'