Chocolate Resistors Gifts

No thank you, I'm allergic to chocolate. It makes me break out in pounds.

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Hate Platforms

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"Yes, could you discuss the inspiration for the protagonist? Specifically, the motivations which propel the direction of his narrative?" "I would prefer not to." "Bartleby, the author."

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."

"I need a box of the gayest chocolate you've got."

'He wants a system with lots of memory,but without a mouse.'

Candy Shop and Al's Gym:'We have heart-shaped candies' - 'We fix pear-shaped bodies'.

"Of course I'm polite, I'm cordial!"

'I can't decide if I want to play the Toblerone or the Jello.'

'I remember my pin but I've forgotten my signature!'

"Damn change and newfangled ideas...if mindless back breaking work was good enough for my ancestors it's good enough for ME!"

'I dread Labor Day. That's the holiday before school starts.'

"YOLO, baby. YOLO."

'You go ahead. We'll rejoin you when you start using new technology.'

'If we eat all the snowflakes, Dad won't have to shovel the driveway.'

'Yep, that's my dog, and yes, it's a chocolate lab.'

'Those are the rules, Mr. Payne. You can be a conscientious objector to war, but not to taxes!'

Workout motivation.

'He spends 90 per cent of his pocket money on sweets.'

The trouble with the speed of light is it gets here too early in the morning.

Weight Loss Clinic. Dieting is just a matter of following the path of feast resistance.

"I must not eat pies off the path, I must not eat pies off the path..."

"I haven't sunk my teeth into a mailman's butt in months. I hate e-mail."

'It's too bad they don't give a grade for courage. You'd get an 'A' for bringing this thing home.'

No thanks, Bill, I'm allergic to chocolate. It makes me break out in pounds.

"I'm old school. I still like to yell, 'Stay off my lawn' rather than text it."

'You're very lucky to get an allotment, of course. Mine here's been a godsend since the downturn.'

'Yes Mr. Johnson, if you buy a box of chocolates you can be in control of the selection

'That's it, try to knock the thief out. . . with the out-of-date chocolate bars!'

Man preparing to swim the channel covers himself in goose fat and notices that a man preparing to paddle is doing the same.