Technology Resistor Gifts

"Damn change and newfangled ideas...if mindless back breaking work was good enough for my ancestors it's good enough for ME!"

'You go ahead. We'll rejoin you when you start using new technology.'

'I remember my pin but I've forgotten my signature!'

"I'm old school. I still like to yell, 'Stay off my lawn' rather than text it."

Hate Platforms

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"Well, guys... I guess we'll just have to ask Siri where we are." "No! Don't do that!" "Yeah! We know exactly what we're doing!" "Dude! Have you forgotten our credo?" "Society for the refusal to ask for directions."

"Yes, could you discuss the inspiration for the protagonist? Specifically, the motivations which propel the direction of his narrative?" "I would prefer not to." "Bartleby, the author."

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."

'Thank God, no tasers in my day!'

'He wants a system with lots of memory,but without a mouse.'

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

I don't care if all your friends are having it done

"Honestly, Kate—can you picture us in a shopping mall?"

'I dread Labor Day. That's the holiday before school starts.'

"They taxed my tax refund."

'Those are the rules, Mr. Payne. You can be a conscientious objector to war, but not to taxes!'

The trouble with the speed of light is it gets here too early in the morning.

Weight Loss Clinic. Dieting is just a matter of following the path of feast resistance.

"I must not eat pies off the path, I must not eat pies off the path..."

No, thank you. I do not want to play hangman.

"I haven't sunk my teeth into a mailman's butt in months. I hate e-mail."

'Fred's on a tough diet. He can look but he can't eat.'

'It's too bad they don't give a grade for courage. You'd get an 'A' for bringing this thing home.'

No thank you, I'm allergic to chocolate. It makes me break out in pounds.

'You're very lucky to get an allotment, of course. Mine here's been a godsend since the downturn.'

Man preparing to swim the channel covers himself in goose fat and notices that a man preparing to paddle is doing the same.

"Luddite."

"No, Francis— not even if she is desperate."