War Resistor Gifts

'Those are the rules, Mr. Payne. You can be a conscientious objector to war, but not to taxes!'

Hate Platforms

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"Yes, could you discuss the inspiration for the protagonist? Specifically, the motivations which propel the direction of his narrative?" "I would prefer not to." "Bartleby, the author."

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."

'Thank God, no tasers in my day!'

"Okay, the market took a dive. No reason to panic, Mr. Spielman."

'He wants a system with lots of memory,but without a mouse.'

'I remember my pin but I've forgotten my signature!'

"Damn change and newfangled ideas...if mindless back breaking work was good enough for my ancestors it's good enough for ME!"

I brought your coffee and a list of new things about the world you're going to have to learn to accept

'I dread Labor Day. That's the holiday before school starts.'

'You go ahead. We'll rejoin you when you start using new technology.'

'If we eat all the snowflakes, Dad won't have to shovel the driveway.'

Trying to Prevent the Downturn.

"They taxed my tax refund."

I can't handle too much change so I'm reading a four-year-old magazine while waiting for my telemedicine appointment.

Weight Loss Clinic. Dieting is just a matter of following the path of feast resistance.

The trouble with the speed of light is it gets here too early in the morning.

'All this talk of ABS's and old style MDP's is causing a lot of stress...The partners don't take kindly to change... He still hasn't recovered from us moving his desk nearer to the door!'

"I must not eat pies off the path, I must not eat pies off the path..."

Recycling bin for census questionnaires.

'I used to be considered a cog in their wheel but now I'm thought of as a glitch in their computer software.'

No, thank you. I do not want to play hangman.

"I haven't sunk my teeth into a mailman's butt in months. I hate e-mail."

'Fred's on a tough diet. He can look but he can't eat.'

Imprisoned corporate executive not ready to sign onto the new company mission statement. ('No way. I like the old one.')

"Yep, that's right, my life sucks: My mum says I can't have ice-cream, cakes, sweets or chocolate, just bamboo..."

'It's too bad they don't give a grade for courage. You'd get an 'A' for bringing this thing home.'

'All these changes - why can't everything stay the same!?'

Employment Video

'You're very lucky to get an allotment, of course. Mine here's been a godsend since the downturn.'

"I'm old school. I still like to yell, 'Stay off my lawn' rather than text it."