Chilly Humorists Gifts

Snowprov

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

You know, the snowballs we get in the summer are better. They're flavored!

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

"How come we never have 'Baked Alaska'?"

"I love this time of year."

"So, are you predicting an early spring?"

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

'I don't get it. They told me to serve merlot at room temperature.'

Weather today.

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

'Be fair, George - how do you expect me to find your contact lens in this lot?'

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

Newton discovers surrealism

"Normally, applying heat would be the correct therapy, however..."

Lie detector, "It's a goddam liar bird all right."

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

'What's Iggy doing home from school at this time of day?'

Memory Foam Mattress.

"...heat escapes through your head. Lose the hat and you might make it through April"

Need to turn up heat(fish crowd heater in aquirium).

Robot porn.

Uninhabital USA.

Eggs That Were Anagarms In Past Lives -'Unscramble Me'.

Eskimo Breaking Wind

Sign on shop: Headquarters: 'Business People for Peace'. Man walks out of shop wearing t-shirt with slogan 'Make money not war'.

"Have you got room for a hand-knitted pullover?"

"This next arrow should shake things up a bit!"