Chilly Humorists Pillows

Is it cold out here, or am I just feeling the effect of your chilly gaze

Snowprov

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

You know, the snowballs we get in the summer are better. They're flavored!

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

"How come we never have 'Baked Alaska'?"

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"I love this time of year."

'I don't get it. They told me to serve merlot at room temperature.'

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

"So, are you predicting an early spring?"

"It looks like it's an eye bank."

Weather today.

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

'Be fair, George - how do you expect me to find your contact lens in this lot?'

Newton discovers surrealism

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

"Normally, applying heat would be the correct therapy, however..."

Lie detector, "It's a goddam liar bird all right."

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

Memory Foam Mattress.

'This is a first Mr Cowbird. You've contracted mad cow disase and the bird flu!'

'What's Iggy doing home from school at this time of day?'

Need to turn up heat(fish crowd heater in aquirium).

Robot porn.

"...heat escapes through your head. Lose the hat and you might make it through April"

Uninhabital USA.

Eskimo Breaking Wind

Eggs That Were Anagarms In Past Lives -'Unscramble Me'.

Online articles are fine, but I miss being annoyed by the fragrance sample cards in print magazines.

Sign on shop: Headquarters: 'Business People for Peace'. Man walks out of shop wearing t-shirt with slogan 'Make money not war'.

"Have you got room for a hand-knitted pullover?"