Chilled Food Connoisseur Gifts

'Right, I'm at the yoghurt section...What size?...Right...What flavour?...Right...Low fat?...Right...Very low fat?...Right...How many?...Right...'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Regular service or affected?"

Born to be Mild.

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

Larry was always invited on camping trips because of his ice chest

"Ah! I see you've found a cold beer to your liking, sir."

'Careful. The plates are extremely cold.'

'Have you heard the news about Susan in logistics?...'

'He's so hip he even used rock 'n roll-on deodorant.'

"Business trip, eh? Gee, that's too bad."

'Fred's a lot more relaxed since he began viewing life as just another spectator sport.'

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

"Do you want the rest of this mouse? It tastes gamey to me."

"No thanks. I had a cracker in April."

'Honey, I'm looking fat in white!' 'Trust me, dear. In a few months, the pounds will be melting away.'

'I don't want to eat this. I want to eat organic foods.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

'The upside is that it will guarantee you get laid, the downside is that there's a four year wait.'

'California: Here I come!'

'Well it was a pretty good year.'

'Personally, I've always liked Bordeaux with my Swiss.'

Play it cool. It's the law of the jungle.

'I don't see how you were able to work for so many years. Since you've retired you can't do a thing.'

He'll have a crumb of wheat toast. No I won't! I'll have a sausage biscuit with cheese. And we'll have a plain glass of water. No I won't! I'll have a mocha with whipped cream. And for dessert … I'll have a hot buttered blueberry scone with pumpkin-spice frosting and peppermint sprinkles! That looks lovely! He'll have plain yogurt. If you don't eat right, you won't be around for me to berate. Give me a double donut burger! A triple would be more humane. House of Java.

Dad's Diner - 'The best in frozen foods'.

'French onion soup. Hold the soup.'

"So what do you plan on accomplishing today?"

"When you have to shovel your driveway, stupid weather... When you've paid someone to shovel your driveway, stupid weather..."

"Did you leave that hairdryer on again..?"

Kitchen chef

'I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of frozen dinners!'

'Have you considered having central heating installed?'