Chili Connoisseur Gifts

"I feel a draft."

"Hey, you're not a firefly!"

"Hey, don't blame me...you were the one who said, 'Have a beer, honey, while I get the chili ready!!'"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Selling lemon latt�

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'These are job perks.'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

"At this office no two days are different."

Cheeze Wiz.

Can I give you a slice of the action?

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"I come here for the pepper."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Allegro con molto espresso

Office Supplies/Coffee Supplies.

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

"AHHHH, MORNING!"

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

The Main Types of Cheese

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Espresso Martini Peacock

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Would you all please congatulate...'