Childlike Humor Fan Pillows

"Hey, Mister, can my dog play with one of your tennis balls?"

Suffering from Cooties?

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'I want you to bring me one.'

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

'Mom, was Dad your number one draft choice?'

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

"Bad Dog!!! You can't trust those chocolate labs."

Toilet humour

"The kids told me it was a magic wand."

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

"No, William. This is your new little brother, Christopher. Not William 2.0."

I'm starting to think I was adopted.

'He's allergic to talc! You'll have to give up the baby!'

I'm sorry, ma'am, but there was a mix-up at the hospital, and we think you brought home the wrong husband.

"Everyone relax. I've just downloaded the 'Find-Your-Remote' app."

"Look, honey. The baby has your height."

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

Thank you for visiting us again Son... Can I still call you Son? You are so handsome now...

'...Just like Daddy!'

'Please Mike! Not in front of the children.'