Child Humor Lover Pillows

A.B.C. Mail

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"It's his emotional support animal."

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

"I'm training him."

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

"The kids told me it was a magic wand."

"No, I don't want a glass of water, but I'm worried that I might want one."

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

Some parents …

'Don't worry about me, mom, I'll be fine as long as you keep working!'

The terrible 2's. It was an awful stage.

"It wasn't our first choice of schools, but we had a Groupon for it, so what the hell."

"The economy is slowing down, last night the tooth fairy left me an iou"

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

'You think you need WHAT glands expressed?'

"Gee, my first man cave!"

Ig and Igloo

"Let me guess -- first child?"

'Yes, bedwetting can be an issue, but there's no need to make a big deal of it...'

"I'll gather. Oog will hunt. And you'll invent daycare."

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

'I thought you were supposed to spend green stuff.'

"Sorry darling, but if Dad has put his blinkers on and is reading the newspaper, it means he doesn't want to be disturbed..."

'Did you hear about the fool who goes around saying no all the time?'

"Stripes are very unfashionable."

"For someone who doesn't have a job, I sure have a lot of bosses."