Kid Humor Lover Pillows

'I thought you were supposed to spend green stuff.'

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"It's his emotional support animal."

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"Hi, Mom - We learned in school today that ethics and morality are stupid and old-fashioned."

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

'I'll never understand parents. They name you Patrick O'Kelly O'Grady and then punish you for shenanigans.'

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

'How long did you try before calling?'

'I was a substitute teacher. Former students still approach me to thank me for everything I let them get away with.'

"Sure they love us, but once we turn 18 and are no longer a tax deduction, they'll tell us to move out!"

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

'You kids stop fighting or I swear, I will turn this banana around!'

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

'Is it okay if I'm represented by counsel on open-school night?'

"Thank you, honey, for your vote of confidence in our parenting decisions."

"Amanda, did you throw you shoes away again?"

"I'm training him."

'Could you direct me to the balloon animal enclosure?'

"Grandma is really nice but she makes a mean cookie."

"Next, I will make the excitement and enthusiasm of the start of the school year disappear."

'It's so embarrassing. My mother had my tadpole tail bronzed!'

"I've decided to accept my legal counsel's advice and take the fifth."

Feeding the baby

"Sure you take off with the flock and leave me here stuck with the kids!"

"The kids told me it was a magic wand."