Childhood Chaos Enthusiasts Pillows

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

A chaos of kids

'and on the Kids' Menu, we have Cranky Pants French Toast...'

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

Two children play with a pedal bin

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

'Twiiiiiiiiins!!!!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

"Well, could you give me a ballpark number?"

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

Feeding the baby

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

'No more kids, Steve -- I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.'

Supermom meets her match - super kid.

"I downloaded the Laugh Track app yo soften mom when I give her my lame excuse."

"Oh Oh . . . Looks like our five o'clock wake up call is here!"