Childhood Chaos Connoisseur Pillows

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

Spontaneous Kombucha

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

Two children play with a pedal bin

Meowlzebub

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

'I don't know. It's too busy.'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

allovertheplace.com

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

'Twiiiiiiiiins!!!!'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. XII

"Well? Have I hit it yet?"

Revolving Doors Ltd. - 'He's in, out, in, out ...'

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

'I'll give him twenty minutes, then jump in and show him how its done.'

'Could you put a little more effort into that 'IN' box of yours?'

The appointed time

Goldfish bowl leaking into the TV screen.

I've fallen and I refuse to get up! Medical Alert System for Toddlers.

"Not bad for prison Hooch. It lacks body, but I ain't complaining. The last time someone did, he added one."

Big Brother.

'Surprise!'