Childcare Worker Gifts

"I think it is most admirable," said Alice, "that you gave up a thriving law practice to be with this lovely child."

Health and Safety Gone Mad - "It doesn't look safe, his face is totally exposed to danger."

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

"They can't see you right now - would you like a bottle while you're waiting?"

'I feel much safer living in a gated community.'

"I can always tell when the kids go back to school. Everyone is so happy and relaxed."

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"I'm bored."

'So this is goodbye then!'

Cry babies.

"I'll gather. Oog will hunt. And you'll invent daycare."

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

'I'm just saying if our nanny can afford a nanny then we're paying too much.'

'Sorry lady, can't help you: Yes, I can herd pretty much anything, but not cats, and certainly not kittens...'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Honey, what's wrong?! Why are you crying?'

Why children, apples and honey should not be left unsupervised.

'You don't have to look after them much at this age - they don't remember anything.'

"Why can't I play with her now?!"

"but I thought I had another, an older one."

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

'This is great. No dishes to wash!'

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

Babysitter's list of 'Useful Numbers'.

"I'm too old for a baby-sitter. How about hanging a portrait with the eyes that always seem to look at you?"

"You wouldn't smack the new underclass would you nanny?"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

Today's Babysitter

'Any child left longer than ten minutes past last bell will be given a free kitten.'

'Most of our parents wanted to get it over with.'

'I never know how much to leave for lunch.'