Child's First Day Of School Gifts

"There's my very first school - where I learned how to hug."

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

My First Camera

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

I'm Bored With Educational Toys

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Today we learned to count to one.

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

Evil Exams!

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

'I don't like the sound of the engine.'

"You're never a superhero in your own backyard."

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

'A dog ate my homework.'

'I'd like to challenge the test.'

"The day at school? Oh, you know, the usual psychological and educational stew."

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

"It's a mobile."

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

"I'm Albert, your new mathematics teacher, but you can call me Al."

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"I learned how to shop online, mommy. If you see a series of tractor trailers arrive, it's just the rest of the stuff I ordered."

"We thought this was more realistic."

"Today in school we learned how to glue!"

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

"It's going to be one of those days."

I love PE.

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"