Child-proof Cap Challenger Gifts

Look, I just prescribe the stuff. I can't tell you how to open the bottles.

A young Don King

Interior design trends for parents....

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'They made it like that so the kids wouldn't bother you.'

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

"It's childhood. Your child has childhood."

"I'm looking for loopholes."

'This is a coffee break, Caldwell -- Get rid of that damn teapot!'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"My mom wants you to dispense my happy pill just before I get on the bus for home."

"I'm a stay-at-home mom without kids."

Chinese Child Labor Day.

"I can't wait to get home and insult my parents from a position of authority."

Little schoolboy enjoys picking his nose.

Moral Ambiguity

'Excuse me, ma'am. Pets aren't allowed in the store.'

Warning.

Do not abuse the Lawn

"Brad? This is your congressman. Get Mommy on the phone, please."

'Not getting into university is not going to stop me doing the things I hoped to do...'

Poker Moms

Smacking Machine.

"No photography."

"The school rule of 'No cellphones in class' does not impinge on you free speech, Kevin."

'Boy, I'm glad I've met you: It is so hard to find a partner who, like me, doesn't want children...'

'So it's a deal - I'll reinitialize your hard drive and you remove this child-proof cap.'

'Did Dr. Spock ever write anything about how to handle PARENTS?'

"No, you can't go sledding. It's too dangerous and besides, you have football practice."

"I don't worry about Harold putting the cap back on the toothpaste. He never takes it off!"

'Sixty eight seconds. Pretty weak, Dad.'

A child's fear of bogeymen, monsters and trolls under the bed is easily resolved, simply cut the legs off the bed.

'Clarence, it's always an inspiration to see you playing with pain.'

'Isn't being self-centred a disability?'