Child Executive Gifts

'Now that we've merged, I'm laying you off.'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"He likes it."

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

A child stands behind a stand piled high with snowballs and a sign that reads "Hand-crafted snowballs 25¢".

'He had a meteoric rise to the top.'

Lemonade Inc.

$1: Family Secrets

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"Still believe leaders are born not developed?"

'When will I be old enough to have my own people?'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"When I grow up, I'm going to be a suit."

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

Oh no ... Outsourcing

A young boy sits behind a lemonade stand with a sign that reads "Lemonade 25¢ - Jay Antosh, Chief Executive Officer".

Boy in toy car talking on phone.

"Two boys from legal to see you."

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

'If you don't learn how to sign your name, you'll have to pay cash!'

Downsizing.