Cheque Chuckler Pillows

"Are you sure you've got sufficient funds in your account to cover this cheque?"

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

World of Cow.

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

tax

Keyboard in Heaven

"I bit someone once. It tasted like chicken."

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

Erm...what the hell is cud, anyway?

'Bless you!'

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

"I keep getting into a flap."

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

'Time's up, chuckles.'

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"Sorry for the confusion, but it's Poetry Night, not Poultry Night."