Chemist Gifts

"Well, the sooner we get all this lead turned into gold, the sooner we can go home."

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

"My physician prescribed a customized formulation for me."

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'Success! We created a drug that is effective, quick-acting, and expensive.'

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

Pharmacist's diary - Staff shortages again!

Pharmacy Closed. . . Chicken Soup.

'Okay, so I don't know how to spell it, but just tell your pharmacist it's the drug with the really long name starting with 'r'!'

"I've learned a lot in sixty-three years. But, unfortunately, almost all of it is about aluminum."

"Ok, now randomly alternate vowels and consonants and we got a name for our new drug."

Pharmaceutical Co - Naming Division.

'I see you got a 74 in your chemistry final, and still you call yourself an expert witness.'

'Here's my DNA sequence.'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'I will not mix chemicals unless I know what they are.'

'Take them until further testing shows they really aren't effective.'

'You the guy who asked for the least expensive generic alternative?'

"Place under your tongue and swallow. Then spit it out when no one's looking."

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

Drugs - 'Placebos' and 'Ex-strength placebos'.

'... which in turn will cause side effects of nausea, for which I'm giving you Trylitol, which will induce temporary blindness, which I'll counteract with...'

Farmacy - 'I can't read your doctor's chicken scratch. I'm sure the pharmacist can, though.'

If pharmacists spoke like doctors wrote.

"It's a one year timer. It gives an added sense of urgency to my research grant."

'I know Pasteur didn't work under these conditions, but Pasteur didn't have fifty companies trying to steal his trade secrets.'

If you can't say anything peer reviewed about your work, don't say anything at all.'

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

'Other days you can hear a pin drop.'

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

I love Science.

'Perhaps one of you gentlemen would mind telling me just what it is outside the window that you find so attractive?'

"Gee, I don't know...I guess if I had to choose between you I'd say Jerry's formula has the most hideous side effects."

"Our funding ran out again. Whip up another batch of crystal meth."