Chemist Gifts

"Well, the sooner we get all this lead turned into gold, the sooner we can go home."

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

"My physician prescribed a customized formulation for me."

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'Success! We created a drug that is effective, quick-acting, and expensive.'

Pharmacist's diary - Staff shortages again!

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'Okay, so I don't know how to spell it, but just tell your pharmacist it's the drug with the really long name starting with 'r'!'

Pharmacy Closed. . . Chicken Soup.

"I've learned a lot in sixty-three years. But, unfortunately, almost all of it is about aluminum."

"Ok, now randomly alternate vowels and consonants and we got a name for our new drug."

Pharmaceutical Co - Naming Division.

'I see you got a 74 in your chemistry final, and still you call yourself an expert witness.'

'Here's my DNA sequence.'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'I will not mix chemicals unless I know what they are.'

'Take them until further testing shows they really aren't effective.'

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

'You the guy who asked for the least expensive generic alternative?'

"Place under your tongue and swallow. Then spit it out when no one's looking."

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

Drugs - 'Placebos' and 'Ex-strength placebos'.

"It's a one year timer. It gives an added sense of urgency to my research grant."

If pharmacists spoke like doctors wrote.

'I know Pasteur didn't work under these conditions, but Pasteur didn't have fifty companies trying to steal his trade secrets.'

If you can't say anything peer reviewed about your work, don't say anything at all.'

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

'Other days you can hear a pin drop.'

I love Science.

'Perhaps one of you gentlemen would mind telling me just what it is outside the window that you find so attractive?'

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

"Gee, I don't know...I guess if I had to choose between you I'd say Jerry's formula has the most hideous side effects."

'Of course it's impossible. That's why we're here.'

"Our funding ran out again. Whip up another batch of crystal meth."

'I find it harder and harder to get any work done with all the ethicists hanging around.'