Chemistry Gifts

"Well, the sooner we get all this lead turned into gold, the sooner we can go home."

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'Success! We created a drug that is effective, quick-acting, and expensive.'

Child with a junior chemistry set in the complaints department.

Pharmaceutical Co - Naming Division.

"I've learned a lot in sixty-three years. But, unfortunately, almost all of it is about aluminum."

"Ok, now randomly alternate vowels and consonants and we got a name for our new drug."

'I see you got a 74 in your chemistry final, and still you call yourself an expert witness.'

'I will not mix chemicals unless I know what they are.'

'I know Pasteur didn't work under these conditions, but Pasteur didn't have fifty companies trying to steal his trade secrets.'

If you can't say anything peer reviewed about your work, don't say anything at all.'

'Perhaps one of you gentlemen would mind telling me just what it is outside the window that you find so attractive?'

I love Science.

"Gee, I don't know...I guess if I had to choose between you I'd say Jerry's formula has the most hideous side effects."

"Our funding ran out again. Whip up another batch of crystal meth."

'Of course it's impossible. That's why we're here.'

Make your own bottled water.

'Expert witness' 'Then, you see, you add the potassium nitrate...'

They didn't tell me what to do with it. I thought they told you what to do with it.

'Okay...who put my lunch through the mass spectrometer?'

"Careful, Watson that compound of yours is unstable and HOLY COW its got a GUN!!"

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'No, I said my name is Dr Gofman. G as in glucose...'

Dept of Entropy.

'You know creativity involves a high tolerance for failure, don't you?'

'Here, take my number. Of course it's 6.02 X 10^23. I'm frickin' Avogardo! Ha! Get it? It's my number!'

Nit Lotion - "Reconnaissance pictures clearly show the enemy's chemical stockpile."

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

Student to student: 'Our chemistry lab finals went well. The firemen just left.'

"I still enjoy running my winery, but these days my real passion is the meth lab."

Great events in Chemistry...

It's an experiment.

"That's not what I meant when I asked you to rearrange the DNA!" (Scientist has drawn 'AND' on the board).

'Let's agree to dispense with the rules of nomenclature and call it compound X.'

A tanker truck with a warning on the back that reads "The scientific community is divided. Some say this stuff is dangerous, some say it isn't".