Chemistry Gifts

"Well, the sooner we get all this lead turned into gold, the sooner we can go home."

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'Success! We created a drug that is effective, quick-acting, and expensive.'

Child with a junior chemistry set in the complaints department.

"Ok, now randomly alternate vowels and consonants and we got a name for our new drug."

"I've learned a lot in sixty-three years. But, unfortunately, almost all of it is about aluminum."

Pharmaceutical Co - Naming Division.

'I see you got a 74 in your chemistry final, and still you call yourself an expert witness.'

'I will not mix chemicals unless I know what they are.'

'I know Pasteur didn't work under these conditions, but Pasteur didn't have fifty companies trying to steal his trade secrets.'

If you can't say anything peer reviewed about your work, don't say anything at all.'

I love Science.

'Perhaps one of you gentlemen would mind telling me just what it is outside the window that you find so attractive?'

"Gee, I don't know...I guess if I had to choose between you I'd say Jerry's formula has the most hideous side effects."

'Of course it's impossible. That's why we're here.'

"Our funding ran out again. Whip up another batch of crystal meth."

'Expert witness' 'Then, you see, you add the potassium nitrate...'

Make your own bottled water.

'Okay...who put my lunch through the mass spectrometer?'

They didn't tell me what to do with it. I thought they told you what to do with it.

"Careful, Watson that compound of yours is unstable and HOLY COW its got a GUN!!"

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

Dept of Entropy.

'You know creativity involves a high tolerance for failure, don't you?'

'No, I said my name is Dr Gofman. G as in glucose...'

The elements of surprise.

Nit Lotion - "Reconnaissance pictures clearly show the enemy's chemical stockpile."

'Here, take my number. Of course it's 6.02 X 10^23. I'm frickin' Avogardo! Ha! Get it? It's my number!'

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

Student to student: 'Our chemistry lab finals went well. The firemen just left.'

'But that wasn't a beaker of acid! That was a cup of coffee from the cafeteria!'

Great events in Chemistry...

"I still enjoy running my winery, but these days my real passion is the meth lab."

"That's not what I meant when I asked you to rearrange the DNA!" (Scientist has drawn 'AND' on the board).

'Let's agree to dispense with the rules of nomenclature and call it compound X.'