Checkout Conjurer T-Shirts

'You're right, dear, these self check out lanes really are fast, especially if you don't scan anything.'

Bright Idea

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

'I'm a voice over artist.'

'There's been an update. Instead of abracadabra, it's option/control key.'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

Advertising Agency - "...Fooling some of the people all of the time is damn hard work."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

Try typing "wishes," then hold down the "command" key.

You ever wonder what would've happened if Nintendo had never existed? There'd have been no Mario Bros., and since Sega created Sonic to compete, there'd be no Sonic. And without those, the market wouldn't have been big enough to interest Sony. So … no Playstation. And no Playstation, no Xbox. Several generations of awkward teens would've had to come up with other excuses not to go outside. Sometimes I wonder if it rained where I grew up.

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

"She works best in hex mode."

"As a special Halloween treat, Zachary will explain cryptocurrencies."

Balancing Act.

Magician producing the Euro

fortune teller and credit card.

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

Hudibras - 8 - Hudibras beats Sidrophel, and his man Whachum.

Coffee Coven

10 items or less

"Now that we taped some inspiration to a wall, we can finally start staring with our arms crossed while making the 'hmmmm' sound."

"He's starting to make coffee in the mailbox, isn't he?"

"And now, out of thin air, I present to you the very numbers you were hoping to see."

'Eye of newt, toe of frog, ear of bat and tongue of dog - everything but bloody coffee!'

Elderly couple bearing a sign: '...We take ages.'

Profession : Cartoonist

'You do good web design, but there's not a lot of variety in it.'

'That's eleven..!!' ( 10 items or less counter ).

"Amazing - the event horizon of a black hole!"

"However, the change is spectacular on the molecular level."

Sawing the PC in half.

"Pension planning is really quite a simple affair..."