Cheat Day Enthusiast Pillows

"If you must know—pizza, pepperoni pizza, and I'm going to relish every damn bite."

Gym/Tan/Donut

"I'm all for having a cheat day while dieting. However, you may be taking it a bit too far."

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Lazy Octopus

Cat and mouse

Bill and Lester have a 'Hay Day'.

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

Catatonic

To be honest, I'd just as soon as lay in the yard, but he so looks forward to it.

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

'I've never known a dog who gets tired so quickly.'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

"How do you feel about working a four-day week?"

How the goat got square eyes.

"Do you want to order in or wither and die?"

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

'Some blue-arsed fly you turned out to be.'

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'

Inactive wear store.

Festive squad

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'

"It's days like this that make me glad I became a teacher."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

"If yer a potato, I'm a potato."

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

'I think someone's asking to go out.'

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

The Procrastinatorium.

"We've lost the remote."