Cheapskate Cheerleader Pillows

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

Jumping cheerleaders

Ice Skater

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Is that neat whisky?"

Santa Claus delivers the vaccine.

'The holidays are about to be thrust upon us, Edgar, are you prepared?'

Freezing

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

'They're all hoping Kate Middleton will help them to cross the road.'

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

Sod orf, midges...

"So. . . no, you are not going to root for another team."

"And this is where we introduced our new customer care policy."

'Don't worry Marty! All we have to do is sit still and look stupid for a couple of hours . . . like when we watched 'Pulp Fiction'.'

The end is far away. 'Hey, why do you have to bring everybody down?'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"I'm sorry, but this is a capital campaign."

Hotel: Price List

Complaint Department worker. 'Gosh, I'm good at this job!'

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

'I'm afraid we'll have to get a Santa who can remember his lines'

It's Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid..

'Other dogs eat homework.'

"This is a great place for someone with Tourette's - you come here, you're just like everyone else."

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

"Looks like Santa left something for everyone."

Winter Surrender

"You don't have to smile THAT much when we take down the tree."

'I try to keep the Christmas Spirit all year long, but usually run out of money in March.'

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."

Accountants Without Borders.