Cheapskate Chucklers Pillows

"Oh, that's my Uncle Walter. He wanted his head cryogenically frozen, but it was way too expensive!"

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"Is that neat whisky?"

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

Sod orf, midges...

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"No luggage."

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

"Your total is $10.97 and this is only $6."

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

An idle lap is the devil's workbench.

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

'After you. So courteous, he always lets me in first, so I have to buy the first round.'

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

'Okay, we'll meet six sharp, at the rail yard!'

'I dread holidays when we slash prices at the Dollar Store.'

"My computer isn't working again! I regret paying the full $5 for it at the garage sale."