Chatter Aficionado Gifts

"Stop bleating, it's all ewe,ewe,ewe!"

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

Woman on the phone.

Communication

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Boys and Girls: Differences in Internet Surfing.

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

'I don't care what your chat group says. I say you're becoming overly dependent on technological gadgetry.'

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

Sure, he can talk already, but it's all just psychobabble.

"Let's just do the top layer."

"Both the movie and I will be released this summer."

'As a teleworker Colin sometimes struggled against feelings of isolation.'

Pete's trying to groom himself"

The phantom of the Oprah.

Another day, another conquest

'Life! Give my conversation liiiife!'

"I was just talking to Charlie Rose in my head."

'I just got off the phone with my long-time writing partner who's bringing over my deathbed confessional masterpiece. In the meantime, who's up for some idle chit-chat? How about all this rain we've been getting, huh?!"

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

Yo, Twitchy

"I'll stop saying 'Hold that thought' if you'll stop talking until we're over the top."

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

"The Over-Sharing Economy"

"Tell me, do you ever shut up?"

Ralph knew how to ruin a Notting Hill wine tasting soirée.

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

Testimonial from cyberspace.

'I hear the boss is taking roping lessons.I wonder what he's going to practice on?'

'Don't make me come down there.'

The Meaning of Humour

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish