Talk Aficionado Gifts

'Fascinating talk on communication. Too bad this is the wrong date, time and room.'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

'...And now, stay tuned for 'America's Funniest Presidential Debates'!'

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

Brexit negotiations had reached a critical stage.

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

Night Life: L.A.

You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Work Here But You Will Be After The Training.

'I don't care what your chat group says. I say you're becoming overly dependent on technological gadgetry.'

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

Be objective - never take your own side in an argument.

'We've proven without a doubt, that this particle has a negative charge. Unfortunately, an accelerator in Switzerland has proven, without a doubt, that it has a positive charge.'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'