Talk Aficionado Gifts

'Fascinating talk on communication. Too bad this is the wrong date, time and room.'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

Quentin Tarantino

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

Brexit negotiations had reached a critical stage.

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

'If I got the job as a sales manager here at Zenadine, I would probably straggle in around 10, then surf the Net for a while, do a crossword...'

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

Night Life: L.A.

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Work Here But You Will Be After The Training.

'...And now, stay tuned for 'America's Funniest Presidential Debates'!'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

'I don't care what your chat group says. I say you're becoming overly dependent on technological gadgetry.'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

Poetry debate