Chat-up Expert Pillows

'Why does your Superbowl ring have a picture of Captain Crunch on it?'

"Call me?"

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

'Are they your come to bed eyes or put the rubbish bin out eyes?'

'Easy Chair.'

'Excuse me beautiful lady, I think you've dropped something... my heart!'

"What if I tried again with an English accent?"

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

'Clown-noser.'

"Actually, I don't consider myself to be a have or a have-not. I'm more of a have-to-have."

'I know this may not be the best time, but has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?'

'What are you doing at the weekend?'

You remind me of someone I once pulled from the rubble: Pickup lines for heroes.

'Why Mr.Jones.. Is that you playing FTSE with me under the table? '

"Is that you or the beer talking?"

"Do you play?"

I love you even more than the internet...

'Wow, how tall are you?. . . Let's talk about the eight inches.'

'Clarence wondered why he hadn't switched to that new aftershave sooner'

The guy who's always pretending to know what's going on.

"Beats hanging around the water cooler."

"Hot enough for ya'?"

' Buy a lady a gallon of unleaded...? '

'He has a BS but it has nothing to do with education.'

'Is that Nat with a G?'

Lady talking to artist at a party

"Stick to the script, Larry."

Party Overhead Signs.