Chat-up Artist Pillows

'So maybe I am a real animal...don't you believe in animal rights?'

'Did you just hear that? We are now and endangered species and mating is now our top priority!'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"Thanks you've been a great audience, especially the guy in the third row with the great laugh."

'Why Mr.Jones.. Is that you playing FTSE with me under the table? '

Two phones talking to one another.

"My wife doesn't understand you."

'Excuse me, Miss, but I believe that we've met previously.'

"Beats hanging around the water cooler."

"Have you talked to Baldo about girls lately?"

'Why does your Superbowl ring have a picture of Captain Crunch on it?'

"Yes, but am I the biggest dick you've ever met?"

'Got anything that will attract at least one of the two sexes?'

'So...do you bum here often?'

"Say, 'Tissue? I hardly know you,' but don't tell her you're a roll of toilet paper."

'You think you make me nervous? Don't flatter yourself, hot shot.'

"I'm a man of few words, but many numbers."

'Leylandi! That's a pretty name.'

'I play a lot of sports.'

"Of course I come here often. I'm the barmaid!"

How about a date tonight? No way...I am getting married today! Well, how about tomorrow then?

"Why are staring at my boobs? What do you hope to find there?"

"Say, George, do you recall ever having a personality?"

'The closest thing we've got is a beautician from Cleveland who says she enjoys small talk.'

Women trading pick-up lines - How about, Can I throw these out of you?

'What a coincidence!! I just recently completed a study on the possibilities of hell freezing over!!'

Didn't I see you on the 'Money Programme'?

'Ever hear the one about the travelling salesman, with £100 and a girl he met in a pub?.'

'We've got stop seeing each other - my wife is getting suspicious!'

'Wait, your dog loves treats too? Wow, we have so much in common!'

'Liar chatting on the internet'

'This rumour is so commonplace and unsensational - I think it must be true.'