Chat Show Host Pillows

Jerry Springer Spaniel

Oprah Winfrey

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

"Haven't you noticed, Ned, how everyone's films are getting shallower except mine."

Retired Talk Show Host.

Rat interviewed on a Sports Chatshow.

Books recommended by Oprah and Howard Stern.

'Please welcome next . . .'

"You're right, because caring and love are measured only by now much loot people give you."

Moses on the web

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Senior Jeopardy!

Vanna White: The Later Years.

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

Dr. Phil takes it home.

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"You have reservations for 7 o'clock? Ideally..."

"A table in Siberia, please."

"I'm having friends over for dominoes, so everyone needs to clear out of the kitchen."