Chart-topping Patient Gifts

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'Dubble Dawawg A.K.A. Diplo Matt A.K.A. Spyral A.K.A. Sheldon delman - noted rap artist'

"Music helps with maths... like which song got to number one... which song got to number two..."

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

A feast in a hospital bed.

"It's a very hip disease, so it's good that we caught it early, before everyone's talking about it."

Man hospitalized and in a full body cast is reading bedtime stories.

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

"Now these prescription glasses are popular with our clients who like to be stylish yet lay low."

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"

Burt's love of garlic was making him most unpopular with the other patients.

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

'There's a new push to improve the quality of food available...here's the takeovut menus for Ling's Chinese and the Indian in the High St!'

Things that bands can do

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"