Chart Collector Gifts

'We've broken your list into eighty-four subgroups. Our work here is done.'

Optometrist practical jokes

"According to my calculations, the world's water level will not rise due to global warming!"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Here are the new sales figures, which way up would you like them?"

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

Jazz is Invented

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Economy - USA.

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

ACME Balloon Company.

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'Sorry, everyone. That last chart kind of startled me.'

Soaring Profits

Business is off the chart.