Charming Villain Gifts

Lover

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Stop, stop right there. That's it, that's the Anderson contract."

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

The Music Critic.

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

Romance in Pink

Indian snake charmer charms a snake.

"Come on dear. It's getting late, and you have to be up early to collect your pension."

Master of the Universe meets the sugar plumb fairies

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

"Is that neat whisky?"

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

'Hmm, the snake's hissed off.'

"Well, he's a squirrel, so yes, he's a hoarder, but that does not help come Winter: he hoards books, not nuts!"

'You think you can purr your way out of anything, don't you?'

'Inspiration'

"The woman I marry will be beautiful, a great cook, intelligent, pleasant and rich."

'Cologne sir?'

Snake charmer tries sleazy pick-up on snake at a bar.

Devil Stove

"Ahab I'm not familiar with. Ever taste Captain Hook?"

'I've lost my basket...'

Dyslexia (dog barking backwards).

"I'm melting!"

"Yes!" "We blew up our planet!"

'I call him in for special jobs like this. There's your pearl necklace, Mrs. Spengler, good as new.'

'Bless him! Look how proud he looks!'

Sinister birdfeeder

"It took a lot of soul searching, before i became a success."

'My snake is old. First, I have to wake him.'

"I'm a professor but don't worry. I'm off duty now."

Man swaying to snake charmers music,

Remember, we're writing our wedding vows - I don't want to hear any of your world domination nonsense!"