Charmers Pillows

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

'The dog and cat followed me home, the bird flew in the window and the fish swam up the toilet. Obviously I have animal magnetism.'

"You're looking good today. Is that a new dress? By the way, I'm sure this is a mistake...maybe you can raise it to..."

You're the olive in my martini

'May I have the key to your heart?'

'Tasty.'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

Houdini re-incarnated.

'I will now play a selection of digital audio files I downloaded today.'

"So like, it's so cool to finally meet you in person."

Up please...

'Are you blind, Ref, it's a fowl!'

'Be honest. Do I have ugly feet?'

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

'You will tweet a tall dark stranger.'

'It goes with your eyes.'

'Another confabulous breakthrough, professor.'

"I'd like to talk about the existence of deviled eggs among the lay-ity."

Brownie Size/Okay to Eat

Football Chameleon

An Irishman unfamiliar with how a telephone works

'Ohhh....I love your accent!'

"...and wagging your tail isn't going to get you off the hook."

Senior Pick-Up Lines

"He's a little shy around people."

"You have my pet and I have my pet!"

Sex and the Old City

Randy, if you could be ANY superhero, which one would you be? I'd be Randy-Man. He came to earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. He's slower than a speeding bullet, because he takes his time in all things. He can change the course of a lady's evening with a single smile. I don't think The Avengers would have much use for Randy-Man.

'What church do YOU go to?'

"I just realised that I'm talking to myself."

"I wonder if Estella likes me. I'm probably too goofy and too car-obsessed."

Once again her smile had failed to light up the room.

Are you looking at my red trousers?

"Sandro! What a relief to see you up and smoldering again."

'Brace yourselves, ladies.'