Charity Ninja Gifts

"The local karate club must be fund raising again."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Coping with a strong-willed child

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"I think that might have been one deadline too many for Tim!"

Best Seller

'We appreciate your back of the envelope calculation, Mike. Now put a stamp on the front and send it to somebody who cares.'

Book Thief in True Crime Department

"Is this something that could hold till Monday, Chris?"

"We need a better piling system."

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

'I've had tight deadlines, if that's what you mean by performing well under pressure.'

Work Du Soleil

"It's a stealth suit. So I can stay off the boss's radar."

"Better than Chekhov"

Service. Diagnostic Testing. It looks like your odometer computer hacked into your fuel injector computer.

"We're looking for fresh, exciting, independent voices which are very similar to those of our existing bestsellers."

"Your book is a masterpiece, but, unfortunately, we're rather picky."

'I've decided to narrate my own like in the third person today', he said - 'Oh, God. Not this again', she uttered plaintively. - 'Shut. Up.', she bellowed threatiningly at the fleeing man.

Working the bugs out of his spear invention

'Well, now that you've found a cure, all our funding will be sent to another division.'

'Who says you can't fight City Hall?'

Sandwich Shop

Information War

'You the lady who runs a day care center for 200 pre-schoolers?'

Running out of time

Black belts in the ancient art of avoidance