Chaotic Kid Humorist Pillows

'God bless mommy, daddy, spot, and that sports car I bought off the Internet with daddy's credit card.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

'George! This way quick!'

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,

'Going my way, gorgeous?'

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

"And I suppose cleaning up after yourself just once would in some way stifle your precious creativity."

'Sunday in the park'

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

"Hold on, I'll make that coffee to go!"

"Well, could you give me a ballpark number?"

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

The insurance giants do battle, ironically costing their own companies billions of dollars in claims,

'It's not fair 'Bogie'...they took away my video camera...did you ever hear them say anything about not hiding behind the shower curtain and filming visitors on the can?'

'I don't feel that bad.'

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.

'Davey can't come out! He's got the weasles!'

'Sorry I'm late, staff

Wallpaper over a door.

'When did you decide to get all fancy and tie your shoes?'

Covid Juggling

"Do you really think this will work?"

'I've got acid indigestion.'

'John's ,um wouldn't have heard if I had said please and thank you - she was too busy shouting for help.'