Chaos Gardener Gifts

Gardener's Calendar: Keep an eye open for pests

'I SAID you'd threatened to throw them out once too often!'

'I'll just have time to finish the yard before the next bombing run begins.'

"I got you some flowers..watered them, too.".

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

An Unexpected Guest.

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

The Phantom Of The Garden

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

Stockwell's day

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Caution: use only under child supervison

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

'What do you think of the new Mars Mover I just ordered from The Whole Mars Catalogue?'

I see the Boris moon arising. . .

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"Yeah, our garden is always a mess: We can't stop ourselves foraging for worms..."

Turn Down For What.

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse